I Never Felt This Way Before...

She took her steps.
Her first step; I shut my eyes, unable to see what's gonna happen.
More steps; I was surprised. She went in without any help from us. She's in there, safely.

I felt like I'm really a useless kakak. Bongok gle. Rase macam seorang kakak yang tak bergune gle. Tak penah nak tengok adik pegi sekolah. First time td. Ikut Mama hantar Dina gi skola setelah dye sekian lame dye skola kat situ. Bgus nye dye. She can go to her class by her own, I didn't know that. I never felt this way before, it's a feeling of disappointment, sad, crushed, awe, proud; all jumbled up.


Lepaskan perlahan-lahan. Jangan paksa. Lembut je.

OK. Mula2 memang panic. 1^st  and 2^nd  round: mati 3 kali. After that, I can feel the rhythm and the beat. Alah, kacang je. Stakat maen clutch and brake. Boleh borak2 lagi ngan cikgu tyme tgh driving. I never felt this way before, it’s a feeling of joy, ecstasy, confidence, assured, glory; all jumbled up.


PAM! WAAAAA!
(Door closed, Child wailed)

Laa, slalu boleh je bukak pintu sendiri. So, I let him do it by himself la. Nnt ak bwatkan kang nanges. Excuse me. I’m really2 sure that his hands were on the door’s handle and not on the edge of the door. Ak nh takde la bodoh sangat, sampai xreti jage adik. Pastu terkepit. I was not my fault. Spe sruh bdak th tak tunggu Mama yg bukak kn pintu.  I never felt like this before, it’s a feeling of enraged, mad, innocence, ignorant; all jumbled up.



FEELINGS. It’s too abstract to tell them using words. We can disguise them with a smile or a what-ever-face. Sometimes, they are unveil when they are too majestic. The thing is, I NEVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE.

STAR EDU FAIR/2011/KLCC

So, I went there. OK la. It was quite helpful. Mostly they were the private colleges and universities. There was also a career talk which was the highlight of the event. I went to the Medicine & Dentistry talk. Ntah la. Actually, ak nak je untuk TAK amek Medic. Try gak engineering ke? As I do love Physics. Tp TAK boleh. My heart insists me to do Medic. I don’t know la, it’s just me. Yes, I’m absolutely aware yg Medic is SO tough and challenging. So, you must have the ability to motivate yourselves. But, what’s the fun if life is so easy kn?

You might say bile amek medic you don’t have the time for yourself. As the speakers said, “It’s all about how you manage your time. You say you don’t have time to exercise, but DO have time to watch movie. Even the busiest CEOs DO have time for golf.”

Being a doctor is NOT about monetary reason. Rezeki th ade kat mane2 je. Semua th ujian Allah. Bleh je dye nak test kte dgn kekayaan or kemiskinan. Some of the Medic students have this pop-up in the mind frequently “Knape la ak amek Medic, menyesal gle!”. This is simply because you’re not enjoying it. Ikhlas la. If you visit org yg sakit pown dah BANYAK gle pahala. Nh you nak help to treat people, lg la BANYAK GLE, GLE! If it gets TOO hard, sume th ujian Allah yg nak tgk hamba-Nya sabar. You should be overwhelmed yg Allah remembers you and give you the tests. Semua ade hikmah nye. Allah wants to give you more than you can ever imagine.

For me la kn, I want to do Medic sebab I like to help, meet new people and the SATISFACTORY. The feeling is indescribable. It’s a very noble job. If kite ajar kawan kite, and dye pham the one we thought, and how they really appreciated it, they make us feel really2 appreciated and satisfied. If you bleh tolong selamatkn nyawa org and give them the chance to enjoy the life, the feeling is beyond our expectation. What if kite tak dapat tolong selamatkan? We’ve done our best tp dah ajal. Allah la yg menentukan hidup dan mati.

DEATH. Something yg it’s quite hard to be handle by the docs, tp the family members lg la feel the numb pain. That’s something yg I really need to learn, somehow utk jadi HEARTLESS. Seems too evil huh? Ak nh dah la cepat leleh bile sedih, adoyy. (tp ade tahap2 kesedihan) Kne jadi keras skit. A doc is also an actor/actress somehow. You hide your emotion. You can’t show your tears to your patients when you’re the one who they look up to and you’re the only person who can encourage them to be strong. So, after th bru lah bleh meraung  (ToT)  

In a nutshell, insyaAllah in a few years you can call me Dr. Hanie Farhana. HAHAHA. Alhamdulillah I can decide my mind to do Medic. Still, I’m continuously praying to ALLAH the Almighty to really2 show me the right path for me. Maybe at this instant, I can post that I’m gle2 in love ngan Medic tp what happen next hanye Allah yg tahu, Maha Mengetahui. Prob skrang is nk specialized in ape eh? Akn kupikirkan nanti.

Btw, met a few frens kat sane. Klaka coz Si Raluca pki Purple, Si Dash pki Hijau coincidentally. HAHAHA. Pastu, time kt Suria nak blek, terserempak ngan ZUHEIR, “Weh Zuheir! Ko dah gemuk! HAHAHAHAHA” “Alah, ko pown dah gemook!” Kuang asam nye bdak! Tp kn, you look better when you gain weight, serious TAK TIPU :D

FIRST STAGE of KHAZANAH GLOBAL SCHOLARSHIP PROGRAMME

This stage was held at Odyssey Hall, Mercu UEM which is very near to the KL Sentral. I went there by the LRT with Nabilah. Then, went we got to KL Sentral, kterg lepak2 kat Burger King with Kelly and Nadz. Yup, I had conquered the KL Sentral!!! First tyme kot. Ak ngan Nabilah dah siap tawaf satu KL Sentral th dah. Then, jalan kaki to the UEM building with some directions by Kelly. (THANX BEB!)

Up, up and away to the 7^th floor. There was actually a small reunion between the Hermanas. (although tak sampai 1/10 of the batch pown) Yesterday supposedly ade kat Sunway but really2 sori I couldn’t make it. So, berkumpul la kterang 13 candidates from SSP (supposedly 14 org tp Ms. Hani Amirah couldn’t make it). They are:

1.       Ms. Hanie Farhana Hamdi

2.       Ms. Siti Nabilah Mohd Razib

3.       Ms. Nadzira Mohd Azizan

4.       Ms. Nur Izzati Ahmad

5.       Ms. Hazwani Zaim

6.       Ms. Nurrul Syairah Abd Shukor

7.       Ms. Nur Fatehah Mohd Sukri

8.       Ms. Nurul Fadhilah Syahirah

9.       Ms. Azmin Nur Ahmad Zamri

10.   Ms. Nurulauni ‘Aqilah Saniman

11.   Ms. Aina Farzana Mohd Azmi

12.   Ms. Nur Izzati Amer Hamzah

13.   Ms. Nur Amalina Rashdi

THE TEST: It was conducted in a hall. TECHNOLOGY is prohibited (yea Nabilah?). Maksudnye even calculators pown tak bleh. Semua pakai minda. SPEED and ACCURACY has to be balanced. Sume ade 5 sets. Sume org kne start same2 and habes same2.

A.      Abstract Logical Reasoning; somehow it’s like Maths la, psal sets, Venn Diagrams, you have to know the connections and relations among the subjects

B.      Understanding Logical Reasoning; nh pown macam Maths gak, topic Mathematical Reasoning, all the Ifs and THENs, mmg kne btol2 pham the statements given

C.      Spatial Reasoning; it’s all about the shapes, more less like the puzzle cari the hidden object, this set in about 9 mins je, then TING! TING! Time’s up, rupe2nye ade soklan lagi kat blakng more than 10 questions lg, I didn’t noticed, so tak jawab laa :[

D.      Social Context; this test cool gak la coz you will be a director, you have to arrange the comic pics into a complete story, one story ade 4 pics, tips: just let it be funny but logic

E.       Numerical Reasoning; breaking the codes, you have to know the patterns, just complete the numbers’ sequence

It was supposed to make you feel stress. The thing is just relax and think fast and logic. Klu tak taw, skip je. Proceed to the next questions. Tapi, td before every sets dye akan terangkan how to tackle the questions and let you answer a few question examples. So, takde la cuak sangat.

After dah completed all the 5 sets, a Q&A session was held. A statement was given: The Khazanah will NOT taja for Medic, Pharmacy nor Dentistry, and it’s FINAL! Then, Nadz asked; knowing that I want to pursue Medic, “Hanie, how do you feel?” Hanie answered, “Nadz, ak dtg nh pown nk gi reunion ngan kawan2 ak. Hahahah”. Frankly speaking, I tak target pown dapat Khazanah’s, just trying my luck tyme hantar borang and Alhamdulillah I was selected to the first stage selection. But I don’t think I will proceed to the next stage coz tak jawab habes the 3^rd set of tests th. You have to qualify the tertiary standards bru to the 2^nd stage.

But, seriously the tests was FUN; tak tipu. Best kot jawab, it’s very challenging and mind-blowing. HAHAHAHA. Mcm jawab Addmaths la tp lagi best :D After test, turun bawah and met Farahin, “Hanie, ko dah membesar!” Haih bdak nh, takde bende laen ke dye nak cakap kat ak. Yea2, ak taw. Name pown duduk kat rumah berminggu-minggu. Ak nh klu blek overnight pown pipi bertambah tembam, inikan pula menetap semula di rumah. Takpe2, kat rumah ak nh dah ade mesin crosstrainer yang bakal ak kerjakan. Siap laa lemak sekalian, akan kumusnahkan!!!

P.S. Dah dapat dah idea utk azam tahun baru 2011 nh (it’s never too late kn?):

Membanteras lemak2 dan (this comes the hard part ) meMAINTAINkan berat badan yang ideal!!! Hope this will come true :D