I Never Felt This Way Before...

She took her steps.
Her first step; I shut my eyes, unable to see what's gonna happen.
More steps; I was surprised. She went in without any help from us. She's in there, safely.

I felt like I'm really a useless kakak. Bongok gle. Rase macam seorang kakak yang tak bergune gle. Tak penah nak tengok adik pegi sekolah. First time td. Ikut Mama hantar Dina gi skola setelah dye sekian lame dye skola kat situ. Bgus nye dye. She can go to her class by her own, I didn't know that. I never felt this way before, it's a feeling of disappointment, sad, crushed, awe, proud; all jumbled up.


Lepaskan perlahan-lahan. Jangan paksa. Lembut je.

OK. Mula2 memang panic. 1^st  and 2^nd  round: mati 3 kali. After that, I can feel the rhythm and the beat. Alah, kacang je. Stakat maen clutch and brake. Boleh borak2 lagi ngan cikgu tyme tgh driving. I never felt this way before, it’s a feeling of joy, ecstasy, confidence, assured, glory; all jumbled up.


PAM! WAAAAA!
(Door closed, Child wailed)

Laa, slalu boleh je bukak pintu sendiri. So, I let him do it by himself la. Nnt ak bwatkan kang nanges. Excuse me. I’m really2 sure that his hands were on the door’s handle and not on the edge of the door. Ak nh takde la bodoh sangat, sampai xreti jage adik. Pastu terkepit. I was not my fault. Spe sruh bdak th tak tunggu Mama yg bukak kn pintu.  I never felt like this before, it’s a feeling of enraged, mad, innocence, ignorant; all jumbled up.



FEELINGS. It’s too abstract to tell them using words. We can disguise them with a smile or a what-ever-face. Sometimes, they are unveil when they are too majestic. The thing is, I NEVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE.